Maybe you never planned for something bad to happen, in fact you do everything in your power to prevent it. Bad things happen every day, but so do good things. It is so hard to forget these things that affect us so strongly. Even harder to forgive those that have done us wrong.
She closed her eyes. The dark room was spinning all around her. There were no words to describe the way she felt, simply because she had not quite been in this situation before. She was a good girl, she could count on one hand how many times in her life up until this point that she had been drunk.
She was laying on the floor, a firm uncomfortable carpet to be exact. Her pony tail was pressing into the pillow she was laying on making her wince. She was covered with a quilt, when she suddenly tossed of the blanket and looked around. Underneath the quilt she wore a gold sparkling shirt, with neon cut off shorts. Her cousin and her cousin’s boyfriend were gone. She really wanted to rejoin the party and all of the action. She got up, stumbling down the hallway to the stairs. There were voices echoing in the house that was still mainly empty.
As she got to the bottom of the stairs, her cousin was still not in sight. She approached three people in the next room, a couple and one of the guys of the house standing outside his room. She vaguely gathered that they were making fun of her puking earlier in the night.
She closed her eyes, “How long ago was that?” she had no recollection of time, or how she even managed to get back to the house.
She opened her eyes, she was in another room. Her hazel eyes grew wide. This man she didn’t know was kissing her. She was pushed up against the wall. “How the hell did I get in here?” she wondered.
All loss of control of her limbs crept over her body. I can’t stay awake long enough to get out. She closed her eyes.
She opened her eyes. She was on her knees. His hands forcing down on her head. This was unfamiliar. Why couldn’t she stop this? She closed her eyes.
She opened her eyes. She was laying on her back. Her eyes looking up into the dark. Where were her clothes? Tossed in a corner of the room, ripped.
Normally thoughts would be deafening in her mind by now, normally she would have some sort of focus, but there was just an insanely loud static noise.
When everything in you is yelling at you to stop, but your muscle control you once had is suddenly gone. When somehow, you’re in your most vulnerable state possible. Her heart dropped. She covered herself, helpless.
The only words she could manage, “I’m 17. I’m only 17.”
When a knock at the door, her saving grace. She jumped out of bed, threw on her shorts and shirt.
Fear, embarrassment and regret washed over her like a tidal wave.
The next night when she was lying in bed waiting for sleep to come. She was instead greeted by the uncomfortable lingering feeling of someone pressing on the bed. The violation of personal space that she wasn’t sure was ever going to go away. She prayed for sleep, and to forget that the night before ever happened.
She closed her eyes.
It’s crazy how years can go by and something that you convince yourself is so insignificant can impact you so significantly. Sometimes I have a really hard time expressing exactly what it is I’m feeling (irony being that I’m a coms major) but I’ve found that bottling your feelings up inside is NEVER the answer. Talk to someone, anyone. What I’m coming to grips with is that no matter what, you still matter. No matter how many bad things happen to you it doesn’t make you any less of a human being. It doesn’t make you any less deserving to live a full life like anyone else. Every day, YOU matter.