8.14.14

Finding someone that you could tell anything to, and being able to confide in them, knowing that they will return to you with words of encouragement and wisdom is quite possibly the best feeling in the world. At the same time, words can be so special, and you can get so wrapped up in a text you just got, rereading it over and over again, or talking to someone on the phone and clinging to the quick exchange of “I love yous” at the end of the conversation. As of late what I’ve really realized is that at the end of the day, it’s the actions of the people that mean the most. Now do I believe that just because someone doesn’t go above and beyond for you every single day mean that that person doesn’t love you or care? No. It’s the little things, that make the biggest impact. It’s leaving a note saying how much you’ll miss them when you’re gone, it’s them buying you Reese’s klondike bars and redbox movies on nights when it’s just the two of you, and it’s them, living their lives not walking on eggshells just to please you, but simply considering you in their decisions, major or small.
I’ve forever been longing for that feeling of security that I once had in life, feeling as if nothing could ever go wrong.. But long since has the feeling vanished, and has transitioned from positive to negative and finally back to a rising positive view on the days ahead.
I crave the feeling that I once had, when I first told you I was in love with you. The way the words tasted coming off of my tongue, the intense amount of meaning they held behind those three simple, yet three extremely tarnished and entangled words. Maybe you aren’t ever meant to relive the feelings of hearing someone tell you that they love you for the first time, but at the same time, there is the alternative feeling of hearing someone say that they are in love with you after a long period of time, in which, despite what has happened between two people, they care about each other more deeply than anyone else could ever know. Quite possibly they hurt each other just to see how much the other one cares, even though they know it isn’t right. Hearing you say I love you, electrifies every nerve ending in my body. Hearing you say that you’re in love with me, makes me endlessly crave the love and care you give to me.

I perpetually want to build you up, and shape you into the best version of yourself that you can be. I want you to be successful in all aspects of life. Most of all, I simply want you to find peace and happiness within yourself. I know that I’m constantly a handful, and a total pain in the ass, but believe me when I say it, I love you.

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