It was as if nothing could go wrong, they didn’t have the most flawless relationship, but they made it work, and she was determined that he was the one. They stayed up night after night, talking to each other on the phone for hours, she could never hang up the phone, and she knew that he didn’t mind, because he would tell her how he loved the sound of her sweet sleepy voice on the other line. The distance between them didn’t matter, there was a bond between them that could not be removed by anyone or anything.
She closed her eyes at night and prayed that she would see him in her dreams until the next time she could actually feel him wrap her up in his arms and hold her whispering sweet nothings in her ear. It was quite possibly the most irreplaceable feeling that a girl could feel when he held her close to his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. Her heart fluttered at his touch, and it was in those moments that she knew that she could never want anyone else but him.
How was she supposed to know?
How was anyone supposed to know?
How was it that she was the last to know?
Questions rack in your mind, when you wonder where you went wrong, when you thought you were doing everything right and then suddenly the whole world- her world, came utterly crashing down around her.
She sat on her bed, clinging her knees to her chest, phone against her ear, her mother stood at the door, waiting. You know that nauseous feeling you get when you already know you’re going to hear something that you don’t like hits your stomach? Well it was creeping into her stomach like a slow stretching smoke and she so desperately wished that it would dissipate and leave her be. She heard his words across the line, but she didn’t understand, why was this happening? It started in the very back of her eyes, she felt a burning sensation, and a million tiny knives stabbing them forcing tears to run down her face, and then without warning the knives rushed to her heart, tearing apart the very core. They were vicious, relentless, and she had never wanted a pain to go away more than the pain she was feeling right in that very instant. She closed her eyes, she had lost all power of speech, what does one say in a situation like this?
She pictured every single memory with him, surrounding her in her mind like great towers the size of the Empire State Building, and with every sentence, one by one they came crashing down. She could hear the tears in his voice, and as the buildings in her mind came crashing down they disintegrated into millions of pieces of tiny golden sand which was all falling towards a perpetual ocean that was the color of a bright crimson blood red.
It all happened so fast, and she couldn’t even say goodbye.
The phone was gone.
She collapsed on the bed sobbing.
Numb. Cold. Grasping for air in the sea of red. She heard footsteps up the stairs, voices around her, someone pulling her into their arms but alas she laid there in her ball crying.
Despite it all, despite the feelings that were engulfing her, there was still only one thought running through her mind and that was simply that she couldn’t give up, that there had to be more.
Everyone kept telling her that it was the end, but instead it pushed her to the mentality of thinking that it wasn’t the end. And was it? Most certainly not.